The 2017 Melbourne Storm had promised to be one for the Guinness World Record books. The Australian Bureau of Meteorology had, giggling, warned the Melbourne citizenry of a record breaking blow-out storm on the radar. The anticipated Evan Almighty of Greater Melbourne prompted personal messages to those committed to emaciating diets (ranging from hardcore raw vegans to pathetic “flexitarians”) to stay indoors and keep from being pushed over by a storm equal to the ferocity of our boys at the NRL this season.
Marie Slacks, a student of the University, self-professed storm fan and a frequenter of rain-noise ASMR expressed her disappointment to the Salamander earlier today.
“I expected a broken window when I got back from work,” she told us, with “work” possibly referring to the couple of shifts a week her dad throws her at his real estate company where she mixes instant coffee and scrolls the Iconic with her Unidays discount. “It’s not a real storm unless there’s glass all over the couch in the front room.”
The BoM expressed delight at the sullen angst of their biggest fans. “I literally cannot believe you fell for it,” an official statement, released onto their website, read earlier today. “Literally, come on dude. Learn to not be so gullible next time? Just a suggestion.”
Slacks, and many like her, were dissatisfied with the comments.
“We were promised a storm, we expect a storm,” she tells us crossly. “This is absolutely the earthquake of 2012 all over again. I guess it teaches me for getting my hopes up.”