Young Liberal Draws on Irish Ancestry to Claim Minority Points in First Year Power Tute

A host of left-leaning first year Arts students were left feeling “totally unconvinced” after Lachlan Worthington, a well dressed member of the Victorian Young Liberals and resident right-winger for the Tuesday 2:15 Power tute, used his great-grandfather’s Irish heritage to defend his “healthy skepticism” of immigration from Islamic countries.

“I mean, it’s not like I’ve never experienced discrimination before,” the Trinity Grammar Old Boy loudly stated in a 20 minute spar with Emma Newhaven, tumblr poetess, SAlt spokesperson and vocal opponent of anything right of Jeremy Corbyn. “My grandfather was almost not allowed to marry my grandmother cos he was Catholic. If it wasn’t for his perseverance I wouldn’t be here. So yeah, I’m pretty sure I am qualified to comment on the ‘Death of Europe’.”

Whilst many fellow students were unimpressed with Worthington’s claims, his tutor, PhD candidate Henry Lin, was excited by the group’s foray into controversial territory.

“Oh yeah, I definitely rely on Lachie for this sort of stuff,” he told the Salamander. “He brings the temperature up a few notches and provokes all the lefties. Plus, it gives me a couple of minutes to flick through the Guardian on my iPad.”

Lachie, who insisted we call him Lachlan, spoke with the Salamander after the fiery exchange.

“I shouldn’t have to remind you how the trots get,” the StuPol hopeful grinned, inspired by a Milo Yiannopoulos takedown compilation he’d watched that morning. “Sometimes to end all the SJW feminist cuckery all you need is a bit of common sense.”

The Salamander has since been informed that Lachlan’s disappointing H3 result was due to him “heavy petting too many babes” and “partying it up a bit too much” with the edgy new conservative mates he met at the capitalism vs. socialism debate.

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