A recent graduate of a top tier school in Melbourne’s leafy inner east is feeling particularly litigious after a disappointing ATAR result, the Salamander has heard.
Ben Mountbatten, ANU arts/law hopeful and two-time reject from the Camberwell Grammar rowing team said he was “absolutely disgusted” at the alarming discrepancy between his actual results and the projections from hours of tinkering on ATAR calculator during free periods.
“ATAR Calc is full of shit,” he vented to the Salamander this morning. “I’m not gonna stop until these fuckheads are thrown in prison.” Mountbatten, whose Suits-derived 31 study score in Legal Studies is reflective of his sub-par understanding of civil litigation, has reportedly begun talks with his dad about whether or not ATAR calculator is actually liable for his 87.35.
Atarcalculator.com.au have expressed no concern over Mountbatten’s threats. “Many students are naturally disappointed with their results on ATAR day. But like, if Ben had spent less time flirting with underage MLC girls at Cheers Tuesdays, his projected 45 Raw in Further would’ve been more of a possibility,” a spokesperson informed the Salamander earlier today. “Not to mention we have reliable reports of him marathoning Jonah Hill’s entire filmography during SWOTVAC.”
Ben refuses to back down on his suit and has started a public Facebook group “FUCK ATAR CALC” in the hopes of a class action.
More as it comes.