Inspiring! This Grown Man Cries After Rediscovering his Year 10 Yearly Metcard

High on a rush to minimal-ise after watching a “decluttering” documentary on Netflix, Jacob Henderson has today confirmed to the Salamander that amongst a stack of old Village Cinema movie tickets and “heaps” of girls’ numbers from Year 9, he stumbled across an old Metcard from the late 2000s.

“I choked up like a kid on his third beyblade loss in a row,” he told the Salamander, shaking his head. “A clear sign of the times, I reckon. These bad boys were sick. Especially the themed ones with ads and stuff on them.”

Melbourne’s current public transport ticketing system, myki, has been described by Henderson as a “national embarrassment”, and that he’d rather “take a dump in [his] hands and clap along to Grease Lightning” than use it if Metcard had remained available.

Henderson’s family, who were within earshot at the time of this interview due to our financial constraints, shared his sentiments, albeit to a further degree.

“It’s a shocker how this bloody country has turned out,” Jacob’s grandfather, who looked pretty much exactly how you would picture someone who reads the Daily Mail, told us. “First they demolished Ayers Rock for a new Westfield or something, and then Metcard gets taken over by some young techno brats. I still can’t figure out how to work my mi-ki [sic].”

Despite increasing calls for a train ticketing system that is actually functional, the Victorian Government remains committed to doubling down on an entire public transport network that seems largely unusable in comparison to the rest of the world.

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