Local 4 Creates an Unrecognisably Attractive Bitmoji

A local student, who did not wish to be named, has today expressed their deep regret to the Salamander about how attractive they made their Bitmoji when in actuality, we can confirm, they’re “about as attractive as a half-melted Tim-Tam, and that’s in low light.” The student’s Bitmoji shares their basic features, with the exception of face shape, eye shape, hair length, hair colour, body shape and overall basic attractiveness.

“I’d fuck my own Bitmoji and it wouldn’t even feel Freudian,” they admitted to us, unprompted. “That’s when you know the whole thing could do with a bit of a re-jig.”

Local psychology major and Snapchat minor leaguer Damien Phillips expressed his concerns over a rising trend in an unrealistic development of Bitmojis. “Yeah, ok, cos like... Ok cos like if you make it and then you see everyone else's and it’s like aaah they’re hotter than me or whatever. And you’re like oh no a cartoon is hotter than me! And then yeah.”

The local student has stated, however, that no matter how “sorta” different they looked from their cartoon equivalent, they weren’t, like, going to, “ya know, actually try to give it my nose.”

More as it develops.

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