Extremely Convenient Bridge Across South Lawn Moat to be Installed and Then Removed Again, Probably

A spokesperson from the University was not contacted today by the Salamander, but if they were they’d likely confirm that the helpful, highly functional and widely worshipped bridge across the moat erected every year for graduation ceremonies and South Lawn events will again be installed. The bridge is most fondly known for its ability to literally just improve everyone’s day for the 20 or so seconds it saves in walking from one end of campus to the other.

A general poll of students on campus found that, of those who knew what the Salamander was referring to, 100% had positive emotions towards the bridge.

Structural engineering PhD student and future dole recipient Marshall Burger today shared his insight into the project, over which he was brought in on an unpaid consultative position in early 2015. “I’ll never understand why they brought in Parkville’s brightest minds to come together to build something so great, only to tear it down.” He told us, shaking his head. “It’s our Ponte Vecchio.”

However, not everyone else involved in the effort shared in Burger’s enthusiasm for the temporary structure.

“Look, it’s a lot of work to keep up, and I’m pretty sure the thing infringes on a bunch of heritage laws or something,” Luke Denyer, head of Graduating Services at the University confirmed to the Salamander early this afternoon. “And anyway, the lazy fucks of a student body here at the UoM could probably do with being forced to walk around the ‘moat’ or whatever you’ve decided to call it.”

More as this develops.

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