Absolutely Mad Lad Jumps the Moat, Oh My God What a Legend

Local loose unit Josh Lobster has come into the spotlight again after successfully jumping over the South Lawn moat at the pres for a Science Society hosted party, the Salamander has heard.

Witnesses have described the inebriated StuPol aspirant’s leap as “a feat of true courage”, “pretty embarrassing really” and “the most jaffy thing ever”. They recounted Lobster leaping the water feature and landing in a parkour-style roll, all the while nursing his 4th Pineapple UDL and managing to only spill a little bit.

“Oh yeah it was pretty sick,” one witness told us. “I mean it took him like 5 attempts cos he kept pussying out at the last minute. He jumped the footpath next to it like a hundred times and kept asking everyone how far they thought it was to prove he could make the distance. At one point he got this girl who was pretty sure she was 150cm to lie next to it cos he said in Year 11 he jumped 1.65 at regional athletics. But yeah was pretty cool when he landed it. It’s on my snap story if you wanna have a squiz.”

Not all were impressed, however, with some older students quick to label the humbling display of masculine prowess “easy as”.

“We all did it in first year”, Tom Thompson, a third year engineering student who was “relaxing” with some friends in the tree near the lawn’s south west corner at the time of the leap. “Not that hard if you’ve had a few bevs. It’s just a confidence thing, really.”

Lobster declined an interview due to the high volume of interest he’s received from media outlets and the girls he told from his Sustainability breadth since making the jump.

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