Stand Up! And More! To Incorporate “Unimelb Love Letters” into Election Platforms This September
The recent development and popularity of the “Unimelb Love Letters” page, which was created as a response to a series of similar pages such as the often unreadable “Here’s Looking…
Absolutely Mad Lad Jumps the Moat, Oh My God What a Legend
Local loose unit Josh Lobster has come into the spotlight again after successfully jumping over the South Lawn moat at the pres for a Science Society hosted party, the Salamander…
Greens on Campus AGM Postponed Due to Astrological Retrograde
Incumbent Secretary of the Greens on Campus political club Rachael Bloomingdale has today apologised to its 120 members for rescheduling the upcoming AGM due to a “disturbance in the cosmos,…
Third Round Offer Recipient Just “Stoked” to Be Here
George Marley, incoming B-Sci student (just), is genuinely just very, very happy to be here, a recent questionnaire conducted by the Salamander has found. Marley, who scraped into his course…
New To Campus? Where to Caffeinate
Ah, Melbourne. Internationally renowned for its scintillating brews, our little gem of a hometown is the perfect place to caffeinate yourself into functionality. However, the sheer number of options we’re…
Extremely Convenient Bridge Across South Lawn Moat to be Installed and Then Removed Again, Probably
A spokesperson from the University was not contacted today by the Salamander, but if they were they’d likely confirm that the helpful, highly functional and widely worshipped bridge across the…
Young Liberal “Ready and Raring” To Play Devil’s Advocate Again Next Week
High-school debating runner-up and Treasurer of the University of Melbourne Young Liberals, Lachlan Worthington has today confirmed to the Salamander that his recurring role as a deliberate antagonist during his…
Kid with Two Browsers Open All Over His Timetable This Year, Thanks
Fledgeling second year architecture major and very-part-time Year 11 Methods tutor Ben Bitumen has proved his critics wrong by successfully allocating all of his mandatory attendance tutorials and workshops into…
Local 4 Creates an Unrecognisably Attractive Bitmoji
A local student, who did not wish to be named, has today expressed their deep regret to the Salamander about how attractive they made their Bitmoji when in actuality, we can…
Inspiring! This Grown Man Cries After Rediscovering his Year 10 Yearly Metcard
High on a rush to minimal-ise after watching a “decluttering” documentary on Netflix, Jacob Henderson has today confirmed to the Salamander that amongst a stack of old Village Cinema movie…